What is normal anyway …? By Cherry Pink
What is normal anyway …?
There’s an advert on TV running at the moment which asks the questions what is normal? It’s a mental health campaign working towards normalising mental health issues and inspiring people to speak out about it.
So it’s inspired me to talk about my normal.
Normal for me at the moment is a struggle. It’s a constant feeling of butterflies.. Not the good kind, more like a feeling of impending doom.
It’s a feeling of being tired all the time no matter how early I go to sleep. In fact most of the time I don’t sleep.
My normal is… every nerve in my body prickling like being stabbed by hundreds of pins and constant arguments with myself in my head. It’s an everyday battle to not allow my fears to run away with me …”I’m getting older” “will I ever get over it” “will I cope” “am I strong enough for others as well as myself”.
It’s been a really hard couple of years, I’ve been through family illness, loss of employment, breakup of a relationship… I wonder …would some of you have known the things I have been feeling if you have seen me perform? I hope not…
I take so much pride in performing burlesque and always want to give my best to make sure you all enjoy your experience. I remember one show not long ago I was so low id actually forgot it was even on. I remembered an hour before I needed to be there, rushed to get ready, ran in to the venue and then burst into tears. More than tears… massive loud snotty sobs.
Luckily I was surrounded by people who love me and understand. Because we all have a different version of normal (I calmed myself down by the way and performed.. I could never let you all down!!).
I went to the doctors…I was nervous about this, I don’t know why… worried they wouldn’t believe me maybe.. scared to admit my feelings and thoughts. I did it though, and have to say that my doctor was very good and made me feel relaxed and able to talk honestly.
I take these little pills now… but they aren’t a cure… they are only something that helps me function, get out of bed every day, breathe in and out. The doctor offered me therapy too but it’s just not for me. I can’t talk about stuff with strangers… I always end up leaving out details… making it sound better than what it is. Never wanting to appear weak or out of control.
That’s why I feel so lucky to be involved with this community of people, to be amongst others who understand. As a community I feel like we are very accepting of mental health issues, people are aware that it is a fact of life that most of us will find our mental health challenged at some point. That’s why I’m happy to tell you all this.
I wanted you to know you’re not alone, everyone has their own personal fight going on, and we all cope in different ways. Just remember that it won’t always feel like that, look forward to those good days. Don’t allow it to stop you from living. You’re made of tough stuff so back yourself. Because I do.
- Posted in: Burlesque